The lovely days of Fall have come…

In all of my preparations to move away from my family home, there is one thing I can definitely say I will miss about this area of the country. Where I grew up, there were a few good trees downtown that would get some nice color in the fall, but cold frost and winter weather would come so early that it wouldn’t last. I’ve been living in the eastern United States for a while now, and I can’t imagine a more beautiful autumnal area. As late September approaches, it’s like all of the hills begin to burst into color, slowly at first, but then with intensity. My family would take long drives through the hills and parkways just to look at the gorgeous fall foliage.
And it occurred to me just the other day that I am preparing to leave right when everything is about to take on the golden tones that accompany the dying of the year. It makes me a little sad. It’s one of the only things I’ll miss about this area. I guess I’ll just have to take care to enjoy the few fiery leaves that are beginning to slowly tumble down into the yard.

“That night was the turning-point in the season. We had gone to bed in summer, and we awoke in autumn; for summer passes into autumn in some imaginable point of time, like the turning of a leaf.”
-Henry David Thoreau

Let me sink..


“You call me out upon the waters,
The great unknown, where feet may fail.
And there I find You in the mystery.
In oceans deep, my faith will stand.

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise.
My soul will rest in Your embrace,
For I am Yours, and You are mine.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters.
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me.
You’ve never failed, and You won’t start now.

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise.
My soul will rest in Your embrace,
For I am Yours, and You are mine.

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders.
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior.

I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves.
My soul will rest in Your embrace.
I am Yours, and You are mine.”

I have a fear of drowning.
Not just in the literal sense. It goes deeper than that.
At the heart of it, I guess you could say that I have a fear of losing control.
If you’re drowning, you have no control. You lose yourself as you slip away, whether you want to or not. Not being able to breathe, and therefore not being able to keep your body from shutting down.
So, in life, I have a fear of not being in control. I don’t like to do new things that I have never experienced before, because I am afraid of the unknown.
Naturally, when things get overwhelming, and it feels harder to maintain my grasp on a situation, this fear doesn’t ┬ábode well for me. I, like many people, have to work every day to let go of my fear. I have to die to myself, so that I can live for Christ. So that I can go where He calls me, and do as He asks.
And He never asks me to go somewhere and do something that I am not capable of. I just have to trust Him to equip me. Because He will. Always. To venture into the unknown. To walk on water. To float. To swim. To thrive.
Or even to sink.
“Your grace abounds in deepest waters…Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.”
Yes, He might ask me to let go of my fear, to let go of my control that I desperately grasp with my feeble strength. And that means that I may sink. But the reality is, if that is what He wants me to do, I have to be willing.
Because, without the confining borders that I place around my trust, if I truly let it expand, and I place my fears in His hands, then I can let myself sink, knowing that He can save me.
And He will.
If that is what He wants.
Because sometimes, if that is what it takes to learn and grow, you have to sink in the deepest, darkest waters, in order to see the light of His grace.

“If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.”